hmm strange dayy...
i had coffee with a little milk this morning: lets say 30 calories.
not even a full 100 calorie pack for lunch: ehhh 90 calories?
then dinner came (i wasnt even hungry!): sweet and sour shrimp (dumby. its flike battered. ew) :lets sayy 310   no rice though :-)
and i was instructed to make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. my favorite. fuck. i binged: like 5 cookies? lets say 1,000? sure.
so like...1,430....oh poop. that sucks.
especially since i havent worked out in two day.

i was mortified in theatre! i am supposed to dive on the ground and rol onto my back, so when i turned over my fat was hanging out all over the place! i could have cried (i nearly did!)...that was just more inspiration to not eat today though...but of course i blew that shit with the cookies tonight...ughh that is so aggrivating! oh well...tomorrow is another day.  you know what. im not going to have that attitude about my weight anymore! i fucked up today, and i have to work EXTRA hard tomorrow to work enough of it off! there we go! i can do it!
stay strong! :-) i know that if i can, you can!

mOoD.: determined
MOOziK: "All I Want for Christmas is YOU!"

well. hell.
i hate Thanksgiving week. i dont do anything! i was so so lazy! ugh. but i'm not going to have a Pity Party...i'm just going to pick myself up and brush off and start another week off clean (not drugs related "clean"...i dont do drugs. lol)
so i have to lose ATLEAST 15 lbs by Christmas. i need to be thin to see my dad. which im dreading...
oh and so last night and friday night me and a guy were messing around and i knew he HAD to be repulsed at my stomach and thighs.blek. i knew i would have been!
im so scared to weigh myself after this week. anyone else feel the same? i dont even want to know.
so im fasting tomorrow and perhaps tuesday as well. any joiners?
here's a few things to help us start out a clean week:

so apparently im very unpatriotic-i hate thanksgiving! i dont like the reasons for it! we celebrate the day we stole "our" land from the indians! soo aggrivating....pretty sure its the crappiest holiday ever...except for the fact we get a week off from school! :-) always a plus

and feasting...i hate feasting...im vegg so i dont have to worry about turkey/ham/gravy...but stuffing...oh the stuffing...and cresent rolls and sweet potatoes and green bean cassarole and pie. sorry.

here's  some things i find repulsing that i shall think about as i feast

nsfw i guess

oh reverse thinspo.^^^


but here's some things i will keep in mind: 

mOoD.: anxious
MOOziK: johnny cash by jason aldean

ok well we're not going to go to the cheer sompetition so...i moved my 15 pound weighloss goal up to Dec. 23 when i go see my dad and his size0 fiancee in LAS VEGASS! so i have to attempt to look hotter than her.
well sice like last week ive only lost like a fucking pound...quite discouraging but i can do it...
even more discouraging...
      soo all of the alumis are returning home from college, right? they are all fat! i dont want to go off to college next year and gain obscene amounts of weight! that is scary to me!


nsfw.....

locationn.: bed
mOoD.: determined
MOOziK: everything is you-eli young band

i find myself to be a bit of a disappointment...i set all of these incredibly sounding goals, but i never follow through...we had a cheer competition today and i felt like a beached whale.  before february (our next competition)...i MUST lose atleast 15 pounds! (not a high goal for such a long time, but if i over shoot it i will be pleased!)      i also have to fit back into a dress that fit me like 30 pounds ago...ugh-so much pain and disappointment. how could i let myself be like this? do i get so focused on losing weight that i actually start to gain? 
here's my plan...i WILL follow through!:
VERY light breakfast (fruit, etc.)
little/no lunch on days that i can do that.
pick at my dinner plate...
general rules: nothing fried, sugary, carb-y (is "carb-y" a word?)...
we shall see...
as of today: 
height: 5'8"
CW: 155 (ugh!)
STGW: 140 (by february)
LTGW: 111 (as always...haha im slightly OCD if u havent noticed)
...well wish me luck, guys! :-)

locationn.: home.
mOoD.: determined
MOOziK: "innocence"-sarah buxton.

ughh...fuck people.
so i fasted today right? we had to eat lunch with our cheer coach today and she was like "katherine, why aren't you eating?" and i was like, "oh im fasting." she nearly forced me to eat. but little does she know it, me and my mom are fasting together! ahha!
so im completely evil: i went to Smootie King and got me and mom dinner and my little brother a snack. of course, i made mine the lowest calorie possible with a diet down supplement (but it was a size medium...thats what mom told me to get...160 calories though! coffee flavored yummy!) but i got my mom a high calorie one and my brother a high calorie one...hehe im so mean :-)
calories of the day:
Chick-fil-a Lemonade: wtf?! 390 calories?! i drank that unknowingly! shittt! so aggrivating. but was it diet? ...idk. if so it was only like 50...but lets say its non-diet, just incase
Smootie King medium french roast espresso smoothie with diet down: like 160?
workout: like an hr and 45 mins of cheer.

so over-all: like 550...not too too horrible but i will do better tomorrow


 <3
stay strong!

mOoD.: determined
MOOziK: when it rains-eli young band

so tomorrow is a new day...thank god!
last night i binge drank soo so bad...then i barfed. ew.
NEVER mix: jose cuervo, vodka, white wine, bacardi, beer, and jack daniels...you would do better just jumping infront of a moving train.
so many fucking calories and TALK ABOUT BLOATING!
ugh.
but anywho...i will do better tomorrow. why do i eat? it just makes me feel worse. why waste the time, money, and sanity?

<3

MOOziK: country.

fuck rehab!
all it wants to make you is FAT!
fuck it all.
damn you rehab.
never again.

omfg.i have been away for like 2 fucking weeks and i have skyrocketed to 148! damn it!
i worked out yesterday....like that did a lot...
i plan to starve...cross your fingers that itll work...
i could kill myself out of disappointment.
is it sad that i wish i had a disease that would make me lose weight...even if it meant that i could die?
...oh well...
yay for relapse!

mOoD.: distressed

any way to lose like 10lbs ina week?
pleaseplease share!
or if not 10...how much have you lost in a week?
i need this guys!
any major major tips?

mOoD.: frustrated